The Phrases given by A Parent Which Helped Me as a New Father

"In my view I was just in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

However the reality soon turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple words "You are not in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a broader failure to communicate amongst men, who often internalise harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to take a respite - taking a few days away, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the language of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, tell a friend, your other half or a professional what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they faced their pain, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I believe my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."